The Lexicon
Precision in language creates precision in love.
A curated glossary of terms for the modern ethical non-monogamist.
Agreements
Mutual understandings reached between partners about how to handle specific situations. Unlike 'rules' (which are imposed), agreements are negotiated and can be renegotiated.
"We coach clients to move from 'Rules' to 'Agreements'. Rules foster rebellion; agreements foster collaboration."
Anchor Partner
A significant partner who provides stability and logistical support (e.g., shared finances, emergency contact) but may not necessarily live with you or hold legal hierarchy.
"Think of an Anchor as your 'emotional home base'—solid, reliable, and foundational, regardless of whether you share a roof."
Bull / Private Gentleman
A single male participant in the lifestyle, often invited to join a couple. While 'Bull' implies a specific high-libido/dominant role, we prefer 'Private Gentleman' for the broader category of vetted single men.
"A true Private Gentleman is the rarest asset in the lifestyle. He possesses the confidence to enter a couple's dynamic without disrupting it and the grace to leave them stronger than he found them."
Comet
A partner who enters your life infrequently but with high intensity (like a comet passing earth). Often a long-distance connection or a busy professional who connects deeply but rarely.
"The ideal dynamic for the jet-setting executive. High romance, low logistical demand. A connection based on quality, not frequency."
Compersion
/kəm-pər-shən/
The feeling of joy one experiences when seeing their partner experience joy with another person. Often described as the opposite of jealousy.
"Compersion is the ultimate flex of emotional abundance. It says, 'I am so secure in my value that your happiness with others adds to mine, rather than subtracting from it.'"
Cowboy / Cowgirl
A derogatory term for a monogamous person who enters a polyamorous relationship with the intent of 'roping' one partner away from their other partners to be monogamous with them.
"We vet extensively to filter out Cowboys. We believe in respecting existing ecosystems, not poaching from them."
Demisexual
A sexual orientation characterized by only experiencing sexual attraction after a strong emotional bond is formed.
"For our demisexual clients, we prioritize 'Slow Dating' protocols—longer dates, deeper conversation, and zero pressure for immediate physical intimacy."
Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT)
A relationship agreement where partners are permitted to have outside relationships but agree not to share details or knowledge of them with each other.
"While valid for some, we generally advise against strict DADT. It often breeds anxiety and prevents true intimacy. We prefer 'Don't Ask, Don't Rub It In'—discretion without secrecy."
Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM)
An umbrella term for all relationship styles where partners consent to romantic or sexual connections with others. The key distinction from cheating is consent and transparency.
"We prefer "Ethical Non-Monogamy." It is not just about consent; it is about the values and ethics that shape how we relate."
Fluid Bonding
The agreement between partners to stop using barrier protection (condoms/dams) during sex. This usually involves rigorous STI testing and negotiation.
"In our network, Fluid Bonding is treated as a high-level privilege, not a right. It requires a boardroom-level discussion on risk tolerance and safety."
Full Swap
A swinging term indicating that a couple is open to penetrative sex with other partners. This distinguishes them from 'Soft Swap' couples.
"Full Swap requires the graduate-level degree of trust. It is the total release of possession, trusting that your partner can share their most intimate self and still return home to you."
Garden Party Polyamory
A social dynamic sitting between 'Kitchen Table' and 'Parallel'. Partners and metamours are friendly enough to attend the same large social events (like a garden party) without awkwardness, but don't necessarily hang out weekly.
"The civilized middle ground. You can share a glass of champagne with your metamour at a gala, but you don't need to share a Google Calendar."
Hall Pass
A pre-negotiated agreement allowing a partner to engage sexually with others for a specific limited timeframe or event (e.g., while traveling for business).
"A permission slip for adventure. We advise using Hall Passes sparingly to maintain their thrill, ensuring the return home is always the main event."
Hierarchical Polyamory
A dynamic where one relationship (Primary) is prioritized over others (Secondary/Tertiary) regarding time, commitment, and decision-making power.
"Hierarchy is not a dirty word; it is simply a description of logistics. A spouse of 20 years naturally holds a different 'rank' in your calendar than a lover of 2 weeks."
Kitchen Table Poly (KTP)
A dynamic where all members of a polycule (partners and metamours) are comfortable sitting around a kitchen table together for coffee or meals.
"KTP is a lovely ideal, but we never force it. We believe 'Parallel Poly' (keeping relationships separate) is equally valid and often more stable for high-profile individuals."
Metamour
Your partner's partner. Someone with whom you share a love interest but (usually) no romantic relationship yourself.
"A good relationship with a Metamour is a strategic asset. They are your ally in caring for your shared partner."
Mono-Poly
A relationship dynamic where one partner identifies as polyamorous and seeks other connections, while the other partner identifies as monogamous and chooses only one partner.
"These dynamics require advanced negotiation skills to ensure the monogamous partner does not feel 'left behind' while the poly partner is out."
Monogamish
A relationship that is primarily monogamous but allows for occasional exceptions, such as sexual play at parties, during travel, or specific 'hall pass' scenarios.
"The entry point for many of our married clients. It allows for novelty without restructuring the entire foundation of the marriage."
Nesting Partner
A partner you live with. This term distinguishes co-habitation from emotional hierarchy (you can live with someone but not prioritize them hierarchically).
New Relationship Energy (NRE)
The intense state of biological euphoria (dopamine/oxytocin) experienced at the beginning of a new connection. Lasts 3-18 months.
"Enjoy the NRE high, but do not make long-term business or life decisions while under its influence. It is a powerful, temporary intoxicant."
Old Relationship Energy (ORE)
The comfort, security, and deep trust that develops in a long-term partnership after the NRE fades. It feels like 'home'.
"NRE is the champagne; ORE is the vintage wine. We coach our clients not to neglect the vintage just because the bubbles are exciting."
One Penis Policy (OPP)
A controversial rule usually set by a man in a relationship with a bisexual woman, allowing her to date other women but forbidding her from dating other men.
"We generally advise against this. It often stems from insecurity and devalues same-sex relationships. True security is allowing your partner full autonomy."
Open Relationship
A relationship structure where partners (usually a committed couple) are free to pursue sexual or romantic connections with others. Unlike polyamory, 'Open' often implies the outside connections are less committed or secondary to the main dyad.
"The classic 'Open' structure is the gateway for many high-net-worth clients. It allows for freedom and novelty without necessarily restructuring the entire family unit or financial estate."
Parallel Polyamory
A relationship style where partners have other relationships, but there is little to no contact or interaction between the metamours.
"It offers room for connection while keeping social circles separate and day-to-day life feeling grounded and low-drama."
Pineapple
The international, discreet symbol of the swinging community. Often displayed on cruise cabin doors, jewelry, or clothing to signal status to those 'in the know'.
"If you know, you know. Subtlety is the ultimate sophistication."
Play Partner
A partner with whom the relationship is primarily sexual or recreational (lifestyle-focused), rather than romantic or life-entangled.
"Do not mistake 'play' for 'unimportant'. A consistent, high-quality Play Partner is a valuable addition to a balanced life."
Polycule
The connected network of people in a non-monogamous web (e.g., You, your partner, their girlfriend, her husband).
Polyfidelity
A romantic or sexual relationship structure involving more than two people (e.g., a triad) where all members are exclusive to the group and do not date outsiders.
"Exclusivity, expanded. Difficult to sustain long-term, but offers a very high level of intimacy and safety when it works."
Polysaturation
The state of having as many partners/connections as one has time and energy for. Being 'closed' to new connections simply due to lack of bandwidth.
"We respect Polysaturation. A high-value partner knows their limits and will not over-promise time they do not have."
Relationship Anarchy (RA)
A philosophy that rejects all default rules and expectations of relationships. RA treats all connections (romantic, platonic, sexual) as unique and not subject to a ranking system.
"The ultimate 'Bespoke' relationship model. You build every connection from scratch, with no assumptions."
Relationship Escalator
The societal script that dictates relationships must progress in a linear fashion: Date -> Exclusivity -> Move In -> Marriage -> Kids.
"We invite you to step off the escalator and build a custom staircase. You can have commitment without cohabitation, or co-parenting without romance."
Same Room Play
A lifestyle preference where a couple engages sexually with others, but only while in the same room as their primary partner.
"A popular boundary for those who want sexual variety but prioritize the shared visual experience. It keeps the energy contained within the primary dyad."
Soft Swap
A form of swinging where couples engage in oral or manual sexual activities with others, but reserve penetrative intercourse for their primary partner.
"An excellent 'wading in' protocol. It allows for erotic novelty while maintaining a specific biological boundary for the marriage."
Solo Polyamory
An approach where an individual has multiple intimate relationships but identifies as their own 'primary' partner. They typically live alone and do not seek to merge finances or domestic lives.
"The Sovereign Archetype. These individuals are often our most stable clients because they are not looking for someone to 'complete' them."
Stag & Vixen
A dynamic where a male partner (Stag) derives pleasure from watching his female partner (Vixen) engage sexually with others. Unlike 'cuckolding', the focus is on shared pleasure and pride rather than humiliation.
"We view the Stag dynamic as a form of 'Compersion in High Definition'. It is about taking immense pride in your partner's desirability and freedom."
Swinging
A non-monogamous practice where committed couples engage in sexual activities with other couples or singles, often at parties or clubs. The focus is primarily on sexual variety and social activity rather than deep romantic love with outside partners.
"We view Swinging as a high-trust sport. It requires impeccable communication, social grace, and compersion. It is less about 'looking for love' and more about 'sharing an adventure' with your primary partner."
The Lifestyle
A colloquial term often used to describe the community of swingers and sexually open couples. It typically emphasizes recreational sexual freedom, parties, and club culture over polyamorous emotional bonding.
"In our circles, 'The Lifestyle' implies a specific social etiquette—discretion, class, and often a 'separation of church and state' (keeping sexual play distinct from domestic family life)."
Triad / Throuple
A relationship involving three people who are all romantically involved with one another.
"The 'Advanced Level' of polyamory. It requires balancing four distinct relationships: A+B, B+C, A+C, and the group dynamic A+B+C."
Unicorn
A bisexual woman who is open to dating or engaging romantically or sexually with an established couple, often sought after in non-monogamous or polyamorous circles. The term "unicorn" refers to how rare and idealized such a partner is—someone mythical who seems "too good to be true."
"We generally discourage 'Unicorn Hunting' as it often leads to objectification. We prefer to match couples with individuals seeking authentic, balanced Triads."
Vanilla
A term used by the lifestyle community to describe conventional, monogamous relationships or people who do not engage in kink/swapping.
"There is nothing wrong with Vanilla; it is a classic flavor. We do not look down on it; we simply specialize in the exotic."
Vee
A relationship structure involving three people where one person (the 'Hinge') is dating two people who are not dating each other.
"The most common and stable polyamorous structure. It allows for individual connections without the pressure of a Triad."
Veto Power
A rule where one partner (usually a Primary) has the right to unilaterally end their partner's other relationships.
"We consider Veto Power a 'Red Flag' in most mature dynamics. It signals insecurity rather than trust. We coach clients to move from Vetoes to Boundaries."